AMINO ACID PROCLAMATION
That on this day, in the year of our Lord, all muscles held as slaves to catabolism within any body, the person whereof shall then be in rebellion against the muscle loss, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever jacked.
Abraham Lincoln wrote that on January 1, 1863 – proclaiming freedom to all muscles from the tyranny of catabolism. Ok, he didn’t. We wrote that. Literally just now. But if Honest Abe had known about the most muscle-sparingest, catabolism-f-you’ing-est, freest frickin’ amino acid product this side of the Mason-Dixon, we’re sure his words would’ve been similar.